Life Lessons from Joe Goldberg

If you’ve been paying attention, you'll notice one thing about most romantic comedies coming out of Hollywood- they suck. The storylines we see bear little to no resemblance to reality, with directors opting to showcase some sort of Instagrammable, photoshopped version of romance that seems to have been concocted in a fairytale romance laboratory. Perhaps its because the reality of modern romance is too ugly for the big screen - stalking, obsession, and violence don't exactly bring in the big bucks for production companies- and so instead we are filled with lie after lie about some escapist fantasy tale that seems to have come straight out of a children's fairy tale book. Most people gleefully eat it all up, content with stories that don't push the boundaries our society deems inappropriate. But the rest of us- those who know the dark depths our minds can fall to- are left unsatisfied and hungry for something more real. 

In comes Joe Goldberg, the main character of You. Joe is one of the last true romantics, believing in 'the One', the idea that his soulmate is out there somewhere, awaiting his arrival. Once he meets someone he believes could be the One, he stops at nothing to ensure the relationship goes smoothly, even if that means killing those that stand in between him and his lover. Joe demonstrates several disturbing behaviors throughout his romantic pursuits, including stalking, kidnapping, and blackmail- but he still drops some valuable lessons along the way.

One of Joe's beliefs is that every relationship has a final destination, a happily-forever-after stage where two lovers can co-exist in bliss free from any external disturbances. He goes to great lengths trying to reach this stage, willing to deceive, manipulate and eliminate any obstacles that may lie in the way. But no matter how much he tries- no matter how many people he kills, or how many secrets he hides, or how much he tries to deceive-  there is always something, someone causing trouble for him, and he never can quite reach the stage he wants. Joe's futile attempts should tell us something about love. There's no such thing as true love, neither is there ever going to be a final destination where everything fits neatly into place. Rather, every relationship is a work in progress, and will remain that way until death do each other apart.

Season 1 of You follows Joe through New York City as he finds himself infatuated by aspiring writer Guinevere Beck. On the surface, Beck seems to be the perfect girl- she's beautiful, smart, aspirational, and has the world at her feet. But the moment Joe begins to follow her, cracks begin to appear along the surface- Beck has issues. Her strained relationship with her father causes her to constantly seek validation from friends and lovers who mistreat her. Her career trajectory has flattened, leaving her facing an uncertain future with limited finances. Her jealous friends do nothing to stop her downfall, instead taking joy from it, even willing to sabotaging her career at times. Joe's initial reading of Beck, the seemingly perfect girl-next-door, has fallen flat on its face. What does this tell us? Well, nobody is perfect, no matter how convincing it may seem. First impressions can easily deceive us, but scratch the surface of any individual, and you'll be mighty surprised at what you see. Bottom line: people are complicated, and no amount of designer outfits and pricey lipgloss can cover that up.

I noticed something interesting while watching this show; despite the terrible acts Joe commits in his romantic pursuits, I never could bring myself to despise him, or even dislike him. In fact, I often found myself rooting for him, and it taught me a few things about human nature. One thing I realized was that humans crave authenticity in other people. For all of Joe's criminal behaviors, Joe was undeniably authentic, a rarity in the sea of shallow imposters that comprised New York City- he was unapologetically himself, and he embraced all his qualities and flaws, good and bad, even though it recklessly endangered the lives of those around him. His steadfast self-belief was a breath of fresh air that we usually don’t see on screen- a feature that appealed to many. It also shone a light on a dark aspect of human nature. More often than not, we see what we want to see. Joe deceives the audience, and himself, into believing that his actions are justified and noble, that his intentions are always good. In the process, we overlook the horrors he commits along the way, because the image of a righteous lover has already been planted in our mind. We have already decided for ourselves the type of person he must be, because of which we can easily excuse the more disturbing tendencies he demonstrates. 

One of the more interesting features of this show is the first person narration that is provided for us, in the form of Joe's voice in his head. This allows us to have direct access to Joe's thoughts and reasoning patterns- some of which reveal some interesting things to us. First off, Joe always convinces himself of having a good reason to do whatever terrible action he is about to do. He constantly downgrades the images of those he wants to get rid of through various ways. attacking their privilege, their personalities, their selfishness; and in this way, he convinces himself of having a moral superiority over them, which allows him to justify their killings. There's something to be learned here- the most dangerous people are not those who believe they are bad people, but those who do bad things believing that they are acting in good faith. Self righteousness is a slippery slope to great evil, which is something today's generation could note to themselves.

 A final note: Joe is one of the most disturbing, dangerous characters to appear on the big screen- and yet, so much can be learned from him. It's important to keep in mind that lessons are learnt everywhere; there's no particular type of person or place where learning needs to happen, but rather with an open mind and a willingness to embrace the world, you can improve yourself anywhere, anytime, with anyone. Ciao.